Three Men in a Boat PDF/EPUB ï Three Men MOBI

Three Men in a Boat❴PDF / Epub❵ ☉ Three Men in a Boat Author Jerome K. Jerome – Varanus.us We agree that we are overworked, and need a rest A week on the rolling deep George suggests the river And with the co operation of several hampers of food and a covered boat, the three men not forgett We agree that we are overworked, in a PDF Í and need a rest A week on the Three Men MOBI :µ rolling deep George suggests the river And with the co operation of several hampers of Men in a Epub Û food and a covered boat, the three men not forgetting the dog set out on a hilarious voyage of mishaps up the Thames When not falling n the river and getting lost in Hampton Court Maze, Jerome K Jerome finds time to express his ideas on the world around many of which have acquired a deeper fascination since the day at the end of the th century when this excursion was so lightly undertaken.

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    Three Men in a Boat PDF/EPUB ï Three Men MOBI a hilarious voyage of mishaps up the Thames When not falling n the river and getting lost in Hampton Court Maze, Jerome K Jerome finds time to express his ideas on the world around many of which have acquired a deeper fascination since the day at the end of the th century when this excursion was so lightly undertaken."/>
  1. says:

    Timeless Bonus points for having a dog.


  2. says:

    This book is a strange mix Part of it is of a particular kind of obvious humour Sort of like watching a very pompous looking person talking loudly into their cell phone and paying no attention to where they are going and therefore fails to notice the banana skin everyone else has been avoiding Bamm, down she goes, and hahaha, its just so funny, you have to laugh There are also amusing incidents with the fox terrier Montncy, whose chief pleasures in life seem to be fighting and hanging ou This book is a strange mix Part of it is of a particular kind of obvious humour Sort of like watching a very pompous looking person talking loudly into their cell phone and paying no attention to where they are going and therefore fails to notice the banana skin everyone else has been avoiding Bamm, down she goes, and hahaha, its just so funny, you have to laugh There are also amusing incidents with the fox terrier Montncy, whose chief pleasures in life seem to be fighting and hanging out with packs of street dogs One gets the impression that JKJ wouldn t at all mind being reincarnated as an immoral, street fighting, anarchic dog in the care of very liberal and approving owners The book is full of side stories, none of them particularly interesting and some of them absolutely dire Near the end was a highly romanticised account of a woman with an illegitimate baby committing suicide by drowning How the waters lovingly embraced her and gave her peace That s what s wrong with this book Highly amusing incidents intermixed with purple prose, a travelogue of some of England s most boring towns, and whatever struck the author as I want to say interesting, but I don t believe it really something that would fill in the narrative and be educational A good editor could cut this to a really wonderful funny book only about a third long In this case the abridged version would be a hell of a lot better than the original and I would have given itthan 3 stars.So humour 5 starsTravelogue and lyrical pieces 1 starMontncy 3 stars Av 3 stars


  3. says:

    Three young gentlemen, and I use that word, very loosely , are desperate to get away from the fast pace tensions, of every day, 19th Century, London life the horror And go someplace else, they should have stayed put, indeed The men need a long rest, they re quite run down, but from what though The boys, don t actually work much, these hypochondriacs, I mean sick men, just want to have a little fun J Jerome , thinks he has every illness, in the book, and he s read it too, except housem Three young gentlemen, and I use that word, very loosely , are desperate to get away from the fast pace tensions, of every day, 19th Century, London life the horror And go someplace else, they should have stayed put, indeed The men need a long rest, they re quite run down, but from what though The boys, don t actually work much, these hypochondriacs, I mean sick men, just want to have a little fun J Jerome , thinks he has every illness, in the book, and he s read it too, except housemaid s knee That J doesn t have, worries him immensely, so leave the city or the end is near, thinks the almost wise man The other members of this desperate, oddball trio, are J s friends, George and Harris , don t forget Montncy The liveliest of the group, he has four legs, is terribly short, with a small tail, angers easily, is always ready for a fight Guarding everyone, this brave young man not technically , he s really a fox terrier After a considerable discussion, a leisurely boat trip of two weeks , up the Thames River, sounds delightful, only smart Montncy , objects But is outvoted 3 to 1, being a team player, the irritated dog, sorry Montncy, decides to join the others They will row and tow and go, nothing can be a better vacation Packing and unpacking, causes a little difficulty, J, the best at this kind of exercise And proud of his talents, does the honors While Harris and George, lazily look on, comfortably sitting on their big posteriors, supervising, both sleepily say They are hard working men no doubt The two proclaim, numerous times Poor J, someone is invariably losing an article, so he opens the bag and searches, again and again, the humongous thing I m afraid the boys got carries away, and putting just a little too much in At last the triothe four, are on the river Slowly rowing up, their boat struggling against the dangerous current, disaster looms everywhere, but now, a miracle happens, muscles soon develop, they become, strong, hardy, brave gentlemen , getting fresh air, and healthy again Two row, one steers Montncy must be the captain , guess which job, the boys like the most Harris has a slight accident, a tumble in the vessel, legs up in the air , yet being such a great sailor, stays on board The picturesque view, of the ever changing stream, is worth all the trouble Small, lovely villages, that seem quaint, from another era, still , I wouldn t drink the water there Looking on the calm, brownish river, the red sunset, the yellow light, shining on the waters, purple sky above, as the dark night closes in, and bright stars appearing Roughing it on shore, sleeping in their boat, with a cozy cover over them, just as good as a bed, camping out, how grand And exceptional entertainment, too, a friend s Banjo playing doing his best The singing, by all, rather splendidalmost, taking a freezing dip, in the inviting river, before breakfast, trying to open a can, of delicious pineapples, unsuccessfully and seeing how far, you could throw it across the Thames WHAT SPORT On the river, in the boat, as the cold rains come pouring down, drenched together, dodging the big steamers and receiving many curses, almost killed, yes, the fun of it Luckily, Montncy is there too A gentle, charming, satire on the English way of life that is no very entertaining, for people who enjoy people and all their peculiarities


  4. says:

    3.5 starsDigressive in style, meandering and episodic at worst, but bloody hilarious at the most awkward of moments 19th century Victorian England Witness three dunderheads mis adventurers gentlemen hypochondriacs, namely J., George, William Harris and a ferocious fox terrier named Montncy as they circumnavigate the River Thames on a boat Purpose of course, exploratory expedition How wonderful Isn t it Err, not until you encounter an awkward disaster of cataclysmic proportions such 3.5 starsDigressive in style, meandering and episodic at worst, but bloody hilarious at the most awkward of moments 19th century Victorian England Witness three dunderheads mis adventurers gentlemen hypochondriacs, namely J., George, William Harris and a ferocious fox terrier named Montncy as they circumnavigate the River Thames on a boat Purpose of course, exploratory expedition How wonderful Isn t it Err, not until you encounter an awkward disaster of cataclysmic proportions such as fancying rainwater as a key ingredient at supper, then Bob s your uncle, ladies and gentlemen, dinner is servedRainwater is the chief article of diet at supper The bread is two thirds rainwater, the beefsteak pie is exceedingly rich in it, and the jam, and the butter, and the salt, and the coffee have all combined with it to make soupAnd if you re feeling ravenous enough for a refreshing dessert, why, treat yourself to a tin of pineapple sans the unforeseen accident of opening and brutally exterminating the poor can, which just shows thatthe mildest tempered people, when on land, become violent and bloodthirsty when in a boatIf that doesn t quell your savage tendencies of murdering a tin can, you could probably volunteer for some fearful battles against eighteen other swans, that is, if you want to believe the story of a somnolent narrator And good heavens, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure But accidents do happen a mere force of nature or just human fallability idiocy I believe it s the latter most of the timeHarris let the sail down, and then we saw what had happened We had knocked those three old gentlemen off their chairs into a general heap at the bottom of the boat, and they were now slowly and painfully sorting themselves out from each other, and picking fish off themselves and as they worked, they cursed us not with a common cursory curse, but with long, carefully thought out, comprehensive curses, that embraced the whole of our career, and went away into the distant future, and included all our relations, and covered everything connected with us good, substantial cursesA century and almost three decades later, this story still resonates well with its readers Due to its wacky side and witty prose, this one is definitely worth a read although caution is advised as this book is literally plotless However, if you have an inclination towards diversionary narratives filled with British humour, then this might be the book for you Unfortunately, the plotless story creates a big dent ratings wise and I firmly believe that some parts should have been excised Nevertheless, this was an entertaining read.Audiobook rating narrated by Ian Carmichael Narrative voice style Vocal characterisation Inflexion intonation Voice quality Audiobook verdict


  5. says:

    What a huge moron I was for not giving this book a chance And now, I just can t stop praising it So here it goes Three Men in a Boat is an amusing account of three friends Jerome whom I m in love with ,Harris and George and of course their dog Montncy while on a little boating expedition The three of them concur of being overworked and tired of the daily humdrum, are in a dire need of a vacation After weighing options of a country trip and a sea voyage they settle down on a boat ride What a huge moron I was for not giving this book a chance And now, I just can t stop praising it So here it goes Three Men in a Boat is an amusing account of three friends Jerome whom I m in love with ,Harris and George and of course their dog Montncy while on a little boating expedition The three of them concur of being overworked and tired of the daily humdrum, are in a dire need of a vacation After weighing options of a country trip and a sea voyage they settle down on a boat ride to a secluded and peaceful place So, on a quiet Saturday they rent a boat from Kingston and while picking up George from his workplace they head out on a boating trip up to the River Thames Right from hiring the boat to scheduling itinerary the story further propels into a comical sketch of various boating and camping mishaps This is undoubtedly the wittiest and most entertaining book I have ever read Jerome has a knack for creating even the utter sentimental pieces into this jubilation of jollity and intellect Not a word passes by without giving a chortle or plastering a wide grin on the face Every chapter brings with it a plethora of joyous moments and at times a series of wild laughter The writing is sarcastic with a hint of sharp smartness to the core of my extreme liking The comic flavors can be tasted from the beginning, especially when the author introduces the three central characters 1 Jerome the narrator Thinks of himself to be a walking hospital Jerome a pharmalogical wreck has somehow concluded that he has been inflicted with all sorts of diseases that ever existed by reading various medical pamphlets and imagining their symptoms What is even hilarious is the mere fact of Jerome being heartbroken for not contracting the Housemaid s Knee and goes to an extent of calling his doctor a quack for not being able to give it to him.2.George a banker and of whom Jerome says,George goes to sleep at a bank from ten to four each day, except Saturdays, when they wake him up and put him outside at two 3.HarrisYou can never rouse Harris There is no poetry about Harris no wild yearning for the unattainable Harris never weeps, he knows not why If Harris s eyes fill with tears, you can bet it is because Harris has been eating raw onions, or has put too much Worcester over his chops In addition, episodes where the author recalls how his Aunt Podger used to take a week long refuge at her mother s place when Uncle Podger donned the role of a handyman trying to fix little things in the house or how the making of Irish Stew from all the leftovers compelled Montncy to add his bit by bringing a dead water rat, brims with utmost hilarity Reading this book is such bliss that I am already onto its sequel Three Men on the Bummel


  6. says:

    Updated in August, 2014I lost count of the number of times I read this book It was written in the late 19th century it is still hilarious The author attempted to write a travel guide on a Themes boat trip At this, he failed miserably In the book he switches the subject constantly telling somewhat related or completely unrelated stories most of them are really, really funny I always laugh out loud when I read his description of setting up a tent on a bad weather day, or the scene with Ge Updated in August, 2014I lost count of the number of times I read this book It was written in the late 19th century it is still hilarious The author attempted to write a travel guide on a Themes boat trip At this, he failed miserably In the book he switches the subject constantly telling somewhat related or completely unrelated stories most of them are really, really funny I always laugh out loud when I read his description of setting up a tent on a bad weather day, or the scene with George and Harris packing, or Harris performing comic songs just to give some examples.What I found particularly interesting is that as I mentioned above we the people of 21st century still laugh at the same things which were funny in 19th century I am fairly sure everybody heard the following quoteI like work it fascinates me I can sit and look at it for hoursThis is the guy who said it first, in this book As I mentioned, there is no point in describing a plot, as there is almost none, just one funny moment after another still, I will try Basically, three guys and a dog ride a boat on Themes That s it the whole plot I would like to mention something else not related to the review, strictly speaking As I read the book I realized they really knew how to curse in Victorian England These days the art is lost, sadly Read the novel to see why I mentioned it Conclusion very funny, 5 stars


  7. says:

    Okay Right from the beginning, it is a hilarious thing to read This book was written in 1889, and it is still too funny According to what I read, at first, it was going to be a travel guide, but that got lost among the humorous anecdotes that took over the whole book I thank you, Jerome, for that.So, three men with a dog started talking about how ill they were, almost like a contest on who was in the worst shape ever And then, Jerome said his liver was out of order Without visiting any d Okay Right from the beginning, it is a hilarious thing to read This book was written in 1889, and it is still too funny According to what I read, at first, it was going to be a travel guide, but that got lost among the humorous anecdotes that took over the whole book I thank you, Jerome, for that.So, three men with a dog started talking about how ill they were, almost like a contest on who was in the worst shape ever And then, Jerome said his liver was out of order Without visiting any doctor, he affirmed that his liver was out of order How did he know that Because he read a patent liver pill circular, in which were detailed all the symptoms And that single thing was my first hypochondriacal is that a word laugh I mean, don t most people do that They feel unwell so they start looking for information, and suddenly they are writing a will because they KNOW it is their last week on earth Then, if they have any time left, they visit the doctor So, Jerome read that circular, and on another opportunity, went to the British Museum with the single purpose of reading about diseases now, we have Wikipedia.Anyway, every paragraph is filled with amusing lines not stupid funny, but witty funny The thoughts of these hypochondriacs are written in such a way that you are entertained all the way through Who never experienced a general disinclination to work of any kind Poor boy, he was not lazy, it was his liver So, after all this chatting and feeling sorry for themselves, they arrived to the conclusion that all those maladies were caused by overwork That is why they decided to take a boating holiday While describing the trip, the author shared a lot of hilarious anecdotes And I mean, a lot.The one thing I didn t like that much is the fact that this story seems to be told by a weird creature I named Seinlet there can be a funny paragraph narrated by a hilarious Seinfeld and the next one can be so dramatic like a dying Hamlet It is an abrupt change and I was a bit lost Jerome s funny writing and the poetic writing are really good, if they are far, far away from each other, like in different books or something Otherwise, it can be confusing At least, it was for me I sat for awhile, frozen with horror and then, in the listlessness of despair, I again turned over the pages I came to typhoid fever read the symptoms discovered that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for months without knowing it wondered what else I had got turned up St Vitus s Dance found, as I expected, that I had that too, began to get interested in my case, and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically read up ague, and learnt that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another fortnight Bright s disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live for years Cholera I had, with severe complications and diphtheria I seemed to have been born with I plodded conscientiously through the twenty six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid s knee.I felt rather hurt about this at first it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight Why hadn t I got housemaid s knee Why this invidious reservation From the dim woods on either bank, Night s ghostly army, the grey shadows, creep out with noiseless tread to chase away the lingering rear guard of the light, and pass, with noiseless, unseen feet, above the waving river grass, and through the sighing rushes and Night, upon her somber throne, folds her black wings above the darkening world, and, from her phantom palace, lit by the pale stars, reigns in stillness we fall asleep beneath the great, still stars, and dream that the world is young again young and sweet as she used to be ere the centuries of fret and care had furrowed her fair face, ere her children s sins and follies had made old her loving heart sweet as she was in those bygone days when, a new made mother, she nursed us, her children, upon her own deep breast ere the wiles of painted civilization had lured us away from her fond arms, and the poisoned sneers of artificiality had made us ashamed of the simple life we led with her, and the simple, stately home where mankind was born so many thousands years ago But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother in law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses I can quote hundreds of passages My favorite parts are the funny ones, of course Oh my, how I laughed I am out of synonyms for funny I think you noticed that Jerome, you are a new safe place for me.This is a solid 4.5 star book.Note I read this book many months ago I m trying to catch up with my reviews.Aug 13 Also on my blog


  8. says:

    What a brilliant book If you are looking to the perfect follow up to The Pickwick Papers this is your genre See what J the narrator , George the man with the orange red blazer , Harris and not to be forgotten Montncy the dog experience on their picnic, camping and boat trip on the River Thames through the English countryside If you know some places of the area described like me you see every step in full detail before your mental eye Those episodes are so funny that you have a broa What a brilliant book If you are looking to the perfect follow up to The Pickwick Papers this is your genre See what J the narrator , George the man with the orange red blazer , Harris and not to be forgotten Montncy the dog experience on their picnic, camping and boat trip on the River Thames through the English countryside If you know some places of the area described like me you see every step in full detail before your mental eye Those episodes are so funny that you have a broad grin upon your face in every chapter The episode with the cheese, the anglers lore with the trout, the failed opening of the can, bad weather and so on there are also some fine illustrations in the edition I read Every mishap possible seems to occur to our Pickwickian heroes here Splendid humour Or the episode when they came back to London you simply have to read that episodic book and have one of the best laughs ever Absolutely recommended


  9. says:

    Three Men in a Pastiche To Say Nothing of the Boat Three tourists A spicy meal The effects of a typhoon Picasso s masterpiece Random thoughts on helicopters The joys of being on landThree young men were waiting at the docks to be picked up by a ferry boat The first of these men is Ted, a man widely praised for his lust for action It is in his hands, his feet, his nose and other such things that the essence of his being lies He is said to be the only man who is able to actquick Three Men in a Pastiche To Say Nothing of the Boat Three tourists A spicy meal The effects of a typhoon Picasso s masterpiece Random thoughts on helicopters The joys of being on landThree young men were waiting at the docks to be picked up by a ferry boat The first of these men is Ted, a man widely praised for his lust for action It is in his hands, his feet, his nose and other such things that the essence of his being lies He is said to be the only man who is able to actquickly than he thinks, regardless of the fact that he does the latter so swiftly that many seem to doubt he does any thinking at all This ability is most surprising in combination with his stubbornness to survive the whole business that is life with such bravado He s a decentralised affair that would send many great communists in a frenzy, with his left hand doing a complicated thing with a phone while talking to a woman while his right eye is looking at his left foot as it kicks someone in the behind, with no apparent logic threading these disparate actions together into what one hopes can be called a harmonious life at the end of it all The second man whose behind was just briefly mentioned is Earl Earl is of a different nature altogether, so while his brother is widely praised for action, he is widely praised for nothing whatsoever That is in part because kind hearts receive no praise in these cold and vicious times and because in a world where actions speak louder than words, he s got nothing to speak for him He thinks before he acts, but he does the former so slowly that many seem to doubt he does any thinking at all, thereby allowing observers to give credence to the notion that he is his brother s brother after all The third man who was accompanying these brothers is what one could call the happy medium, though he himself prefers to be referred to as the Golden Mean, since it has got a far less mundane ring to it An astute observer with a charm that has enthralled entire ballrooms, a companionable polymath with the kind of razor sharp wit that enlivens many conversations, a man that couples thinking to action like internet dating sites couple lovers to psychopaths, he is a man that is mostly known for his humility despite his many other talents That third and quite frankly ravishingly handsome man is, as you may have surmised, your humble narrator.As we were sitting at the dock waiting for the ferry boat that would take us from one paradisiac island to the next, a pang of hunger got the better of me A small food stand that was intelligently placed in the vicinity of the waiting space caught my attention and I sped towards it as rapidly as a crocodile would chase Louis Vuitton Earl shouted some warnings as I went, relating to the poor quality of the overpriced food and the questionable hygiene and other such trifles that are exceedingly insignificant to a hungry man I ordered some noodles with chicken and upon being asked if I wanted it spicy I requested it to be the Golden Mean of Spicy, where small tears of joy well up as your throat emits a gentle warmth and your tongue tingles in delight Despite this elaborate explanation the vendor had misconstrued my meaning and served me with what once were the contents of the now dormant Mount Vesuvius Appearances would have it that this devious man had scooped up the insides of this legendary volcano and decided to pour them on my chicken noodles in great quantities I would have uttered an objection to his recipe, had it not been that my voice had made way for a column of blazing hellfire that only the steady stream of my salty tears could hope to put out Miraculously I averted slipping into a coma and made my way back to my friends, just in time to get on the boat As I regained the first traces of the power of thought, I ruminated on those tales of firebreathing dragons and thought it very logical that they always seemed in such bad spirits and further considered it to their benefit that they hadn t been expected to actually exist.It was a big ferry, and a fast one, if one could trust the pictures that adorned its flanks On them the ferry was flying over the whiteheaded waves across a sky blurry with birds, clouds and rays of light It was a white streak across a blue canvas that would make the most celebrated action painter, if ever there were such a thing, envious As we settled down in the seats I mentioned to my friends that I have been known to get seasick, both as a warning as well as a supplication for comfort I was met with a boatload of encouraging remarks Ted pointed to the sunny sky and said that if the weather would be any calmer it would be mistaken for Earl Earl pointed to the tiny waves and said that the only thing that could stir up a sea so calm would be Ted s feet after a cup of coffee Thus it was with an easy mind that I heard the engines start up and we left the safety of the docks Not five minutes had passed since we left the island when the sea changed its mind Even though it was leisurely bathing in the sun only moments before, it now seemed to get itself into quite a state, as if suddenly recalling an important deadline or being roused up by a hysterical pregnant woman during an otherwise peaceful Sunday afternoon As the waves got higher and the bumps got rougher, my visage must have gone through fifty shades of green It had just settled on pistachio green with touches of grey and yellow when Ted and Earl gave me some concerned looks Ted, who was sitting next to me, seemed mostly concerned for his trousers being in the line of fire in case my disconcerting complexion was but the forerunner ofimposing symptoms, while Earl himself didn t seem to possess the iron stomach he thought he did Ted decided to get up on the roof of the ferry and get some fresh air, while Earl settled for a trip to the head For some reason boats don t have kitchens or toilets but consist of galleys and heads instead I have since come to believe these terms find their ancestors in the words gallows and beheadings and other such references to painful deaths, considering the entire construction makes one consider public executions as a blissful means of escape from that infernal vessel To add insult to injury the seafaring folk devised the system of nautical miles , giving false hope with regards to the distance one needs to traverse before being once again graced with land under one s feet I would have gotten up as well and followed my companions outside, if only to throw myself into the sea under a lonely cry of despair, had not the adage of you are what you eat proved itself to be true as my legs slowly turned into the limp noodles I had eaten only moments before A voice on the intercom informed the passengers of a typhoon that had been raging many miles away, a natural disaster of which we were now feeling the comparably tiny side effects I had heard of the effect a small flutter of a butterfly s wings could have over great distances, so it came as no surprise that a typhoon should bring about catastrophic consequences on my feeble constitution In response to the storm that had raged over fisherman s villages and quaint coastlines far away, ruining shelters and holidays alike, my stomach churned in empathy and cried for a prompt evacuation of its own residents I ve always thought of myself as a kind man with a good heart, but it appears that my stomach is my most sympathetic organ It made me wonder if all that connected the wise and noble prophets of our great religions was that they all had a weak stomach in the face of misery, rather than a heart of gold One of the seamen with a keen eye for discoloured faces had offered me a black, plastic bag that reeked of chemicals Before I could even consider the idea of wrapping it over my head and letting the lack of oxygen put me out of my wretchedness, I had filled it up with my lunch, sadly noting that it had lost none of its spicy spunk before its return voyage The fire was back and with a vengeance, as this time it seemed to have found the way through my nose as well I cried silent and bitter sobs, my eyes red with burning tears, my cheeks grey, my forehead yellow and my chin dripping with green drops hovering over a black bag I fancy I must have looked like my portrait if I had chosen to commission it to Pablo Picasso In the meanwhile Earl had ventured outside and apparently had had the same idea to simply jump into the sea and hope that Heaven was a real place He had lost his nerve at the last moment and held to the railing while being splashed by the cold water and attacked by an evil wind Trembling, he welcomed this agony as it made him forget the reality of Hell that was his own body His belly seemed to host the devil himself and all his minions, intent on entering this world post haste During the first convulsions Earl somehow still had the clarity of mind and the good fortune to find a vacant toilet bowl and lay next to it as long as necessary He locked himself in and didn t mind the outrage of all the people, equally sick, rapping on the door If this torment would last much longer he would offer himself up as a sacrifice to the murderous mass and do it all with a contented smile On the upper deck Ted was feeling a bit queasy He resolved to look at the horizon and fell asleep shortly after I was working on filling up my fifth bag and had already gone over all possible solutions Jumping off the boat was no longer an option and I could find no way to the Gates of Heaven with the limited tools at my disposal No matter how hard I wished for a gun, the only thing that would be delivered was another plastic bag Even though the evacuation of my stomach had been a resounding success, with not a single entity still present in that godforsaken place, the safety mechanisms seemed to prefer to make absolutely certain no noodle would be left behind I think I have left my very soul in that last bag Given the absence, thanks to lazy scientists all over the world, of immediate teleportation, my only hope was a helicopter, swooping down from the sky like an angel and taking me to golden shores Who would have thought that such a ludicrous contraption would be the main flicker of hope during my darkest times It looks like a curiously constructed metallic fish with a sad flower on its head, whirring through the skies in search of a place where it doesn t look ridiculous Finding that such a place does not exist, some good souls resolved to paint big white circles with an H in the middle to give the mechanical monstrosity at least some semblance of a home And yet it was this silly thing that I longed for in my last and most difficult moments on that diabolical boat on an equally satanic sea After what according to my estimations must have been twenty six eternities, we finally reached the harbour and were assisted to come to land Once there it was with surprising ease that I found the will to live again, which was followed up by a healthy appetite and the desire to share my story with my companions Earl had easily made his way through the angry mob, for they had helpfully decided to collapse outside of the toilet in a last effort to get the better of the motions of the sea We looked into each other s eyes and found therein the understanding that we had been in hell, and survived Ted merely agreed by saying that he found the trip, on the whole, rather uncomfortable, and that it would probably be best if we took a plane for the return trip However aggravating his equanimity, both Earl and I hugged him in a moment of joyous relief and didn t let go until he punched us both in the ear Oh, we were so happy, happy to live, happy to be on land, happy to note that regardless of everything that ferry had put us through, it did deliver on its promise to take us to Paradise


  10. says:

    What a quaint little book I had no idea this existed But I m definitely glad I could rectify that now.The story is that of three friends, elderly gentlemen, who decide to journey up the Thames in a little boat together with the dog one of them owns The preparations for the trip are already very entertaining, but the trip itself is no less so Apart from them actually travelling for a bit, we are treated to various stops along the way I looked a few places up on a map and was delighted to see What a quaint little book I had no idea this existed But I m definitely glad I could rectify that now.The story is that of three friends, elderly gentlemen, who decide to journey up the Thames in a little boat together with the dog one of them owns The preparations for the trip are already very entertaining, but the trip itself is no less so Apart from them actually travelling for a bit, we are treated to various stops along the way I looked a few places up on a map and was delighted to see there are indeed so many interesting places along the river During the voyage as well as the stops, there are some reminiscences, childhood memories as well as later encounters, from all three All while they are stumbling about You might have guessed that not only do they encounter a bit of bad luck, their own helplessness and the fact that they don t actually know what they are doing isn t helping either.The characters the dog definitely being one of them are very quirky It s basically the story of three old er grumpy men travelling together with a dog, having some mishaps on the way The way it was told was light and quite modern so the age of the book actually surprises.Seeing society through the eyes of the three friends and the dog was very funny and the light way the story is told in that is nonetheless full of dry humour makes it clear why this book was an instant success back when it was first published.Once again, I ve chosen the audioversion and am glad for it because although I do not have the version narrated by Hugh Laurie, it was wonderful to have this story brought to life with the proper British accent

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